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Transcending the dimension of disagreement

From defending positions to embracing possibilities

There is a level of thought and conversation that exists beyond the dimension of disagreement.

At this level, conversations are vibrational rather than verbal. It’s no longer just a matter of listening to what each other says, but of artfully rendezvousing with the spirit of every person. The positions we tend to argue over are often just indirect ways of expressing sentiments like “I love you”, “I want to share with you”, “I want to create with you”, “I want to delight in the pleasures of life with you”, “I need to know I belong”, “I want to remember that I am beautiful.”

As we look beyond words, towards our more fundamental desire to connect energetically, we gain access to higher perspectives that dissolve defensiveness and enable us to relate to the seemingly unrelatable. From this more expanded level of awareness, we can swing open new vistas of opportunity for creativity and collaboration.

Opening the mind to enter the heart

To get there, we must open our mind to possibilities within dialogue that don’t require the negation of another person’s point of view.

Below, I’ve listed 5 questions that have been very useful in helping me move beyond my need to be right.  After testing them out on myself, I’m now sharing them with you. 

1) What if I accepted each instance of being challenged or misunderstood as an opportunity to deepen my understanding of communication and my embodiment of compassion?
2) What if  I experimented with responding to others in ways that don’t require me to be right and them to be wrong?
3) What if I spent more time exploring the results of  engaging my dissenters & critics in a playful lighthearted manner?
4) What if I chose to see arguments as dances instead of battles; where the goal was not to defeat an opponent or enemy, but to figure out a way to synchronize with my partner’s contrasting style through the use of creative moves and clever maneuvers?
5) What if I listened, at least every once in awhile, to a point of view I disagreed with and commented ONLY on the aspects I AGREED with and left everything else out?

Within the past month, I have observed a much calmer and lighter disposition in myself as a result of quietly reflecting on these questions.

It’s still a learning process for me, but I am thoroughly enjoying the options that are opening up for me as I make “being right” less and less of a priority in my life.

Dancing in the open fields of possibility

In the words of the poet Rumi, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”

Our positions are like points in space. The field, Rumi speaks of, is the space itself which gives meaning and context to all positions and points. This space, or field of awareness, is the Source of true wisdom, peace, and contenment. It is also where life and laughter is born.

We don’t access this field by arguing and analyzing. We must learn to descend into our hearts and adopt a more intuitve mode of knowing. As we spend more time in this field, we develop a vibrational vocabulary. And we find ourselves communing with all of life’s diversities and discrepancies in the language of love.

I’m on my way to this field right now. I hope to see you there too. Maybe we’ll create some fun games to play or perhaps we could just dance together. Either way….


T.K. Coleman

This Post Has 2 Comments
  1. Another homerun, T.K. Many ideas to chew on. Infact, I was just about to hit the hay when I read your latest post. I am happily helpless to stay up just a little longer to participate in your wonderful vision.

    One that comes to mind is the idea of looking behind the words—the questions behind the questions, and how they are all variations on the themes of love, connection, and validation. And yet, those words, as inadequate as they are to express the depths of energy we are trying to express, are still necessary (not that you suggest they aren’t). For as poetry and music seek to express the inexpressible, so do the words exchanged between two people who are experiencing strong emotions. And so we can also dance the other way and open the heart to get to the mind…Think with the heart and feel with the mind—let them mingle and exchange their essences because they are, after all, part of the same energy you mention. And I love how you turn arguments and such into positive opportunities to plumb the depths of connection, both with ourselves and each other. I also appreciate how you offer questions for us to ponder. For as Mary once pondered powerful, life-changing messages in her heart, if we ponder the sorts of questions you suggest, we too will give birth to love.

    1. My dear brother Joseph,

      You have hit another huge basket with these remarks. Cherished insights and feedback indeed. I love most your suggestion that we

      “Think with the heart and feel with the mind.”

      I also appreciate your honest and hopeful assessment of how we must strive to connnect via communication, however imprefectly it may sometimes seem.

      You are very right. I hope, along with you, that we’re able to bring “joy to the world” just as the theotokos did.



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