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What to do when being positive feels fake?

If you’re trying to make changes for the better and it feels forced or fake, don’t accept that as a sure sign that you’re wasting your time.

Just because an activity feels unnatural in the beginning doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re being fake for performing it.

It’s natural until you change it

Let’s consider a couple of examples:

Suppose you’re accustomed to sleeping in until 8am or later, but you’re now hired for a new job that requires you to be there at 6am every day. Waking up at 4:30am or 5am is probably going to feel very unnatural until you reorient your body’s natural rhythms and sleep cycles.

What if you’ve never exercised a day in your life and you decide that you want to start today? Running for two blocks might feel like immanent death. Until your body starts to get into a decent fitness routine, even a mild jog is going to feel very unnatural.

Everything’s easy once you learn how to do it

If you’re accustomed to complaining everyday about everything that goes wrong, it’s probably going to feel a bit exaggerated when you try to describe your experiences in a more positive light.

That doesn’t mean you’re being fake. It just might mean that you’re spiritually or mentally out of shape and you could use a bit of conditioning in those areas. You may have become so accustomed to interpreting events in a negative way that it now seems like the normal, healthy, natural thing to do.

If you can be patient with yourself and commit to self-development as a process, you’ll be surprised and pleased with how much you can proactively accelerate your spiritual evolution.

Treat yourself to a psychological makeover

We are never stuck with the present day version of our personalities.

We have the power to recondition our thought patterns, retrain our reactionary instincts, and reinvent our emotional processing habits.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” -Romans 12:2

The PURSUIT of happiness can only be fulfilled by the PRACTICE of happiness. Happiness doesn’t just “happen”. It’s the reward we receive for investing in our own well~being.

We must commit to the daily process of building new habits of speech & thought in the same way that an athelete trains her body or an artist perfects his craft

There’s nothing fake about persistence

My friend Chaz, from the One Direction Forward blog had this to say:

From someone who has grit his teeth on many occasions and forced myself by faith to try the path less travelled (or never-before travelled), I can say with assurance that it is highly uncomfortable the first time or two. But as we repeat it, the new way becomes more and more familiar. Not unlike making a change to a golf swing.

Our thinking is influenced by a culture that tells us to abandon anything that feels like force. This is true to a certain extent. It is important to remember, however, that many positive changes can feel like you’re forcing it or faking it during the embryonic stages of growth. This sensation does not last forever.

With a proper and balanced approach to personal development, feeling discouraged and defeated can eventually start to feel as unnatural as it’s supposed to feel for a being whose essence emanates from Infinite Joy AKA “You!”

That’s my two cents. What are your thoughts?


T.K. Coleman

If you liked this post, check out:

1. You can do anything better when you’re doing better

2. Sometimes there’s no lesson to learn

3. Perkiness & positivity are two different things

This Post Has 8 Comments
    1. Hi “Kitten”,

      Thanks for checking out my blog and for offering your honest feedback.

      The version of optimism that you seem to be describing is one that I dismiss as unhealthy, unproductive, and irrational. So, as far as I can tell, you and I both reject such delusional nonsense.

      The denial of displeasure is a dangerous game to play no matter what label you slap on it.

      Back in May, I wrote a post in which I said the following about “Optimism” as I define and practice it:

      “Being optimistic doesn’t require you to ignore your hardships. It simply invites you to look beyond them. Optimism isn’t about denial. It’s about determination.”

      As far as I am concerned, the experience of displeasure is unavoidable. I’m sure you agree with me on that point. The question that’s going to define your life, however, is this:

      When you experience displeasure, are you going to give up and quit OR are you going to do the best you can to create what matters most to you regardless of the B.S. that gets thrown at you?

      I know what my answer to that question is. Your answer to that question is up to you and I respect whatever conclusion you come to.



  1. Excessively thinking ‘everything is going to be okay’ only leads to a greater bout of pessimism later, for me. Thus, I try to keep a realist outlook, but it’s not exactly gratifying and sags down to a bad mood later anyway.

    1. Here’s a third alternative; instead of trying to be positive, simply be skeptical in both directions. In other words, don’t force yourself to believe everything is going to be okay, but don’t allow yourself to believe that things are bad without having really strong evidence. Better than being positive or negative, in my opinion, is simply being open to possibility. Your thoughts?

      1. Thanks for sharing your opinion. I agree with it.
        Originally I sought optimism because it involves counting one’s blessings as opposed to misfortunes (although acknowledging them), and it in this way apparently leads to more happiness, which is why I bothered to pursue it. I generally do look at things realistically and not tipping too much in either direction but it hasn’t necessarily made my life better or more enjoyable. Should that be taken to mean that only optimism can lead to happiness…?

        1. Hmmm….that’s an interesting question. I would ask the following one: what is it that leads to unhappiness? Is it not the process of forming negative judgments and making negative assumptions? What happens to our unhappiness when we rigorously question the presuppositions upon which our negative judgments are based?

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