This post is a continuation of You can be happy even if you’re unhappy pt 2. I ended with point #2 of 4. Let’s delve in at #3. Enjoy…3) Find an empowering way to process unwanted situations by emphasizing the elements which feel best. Take action steps in that direction when you can.
I may seem like I’m contradicting myself here, but this is very different from forcing yourself to feel good about what you don’t like. Every situation is composed of wanted and unwanted elements. Feeling bad about undesirable elements doesn’t mean you can’t feel good about the desirable elements.
We often approach challenges as if it’s dishonest or naive to acknowledge and appreciate the positive aspects. Exaggerating our dramas is socially acceptable, but highlighting what we appreciate is somewhat shunned. There’s no compelling reason for that.
If you can be honest about hating your job, then you have the right to be honest about how much it helps you pay the bills. If it’s permissible to complain about how annoying your spouse can be, then it’s certainly permissible to mentally rehearse some of the ways in which they’ve influenced you for good. Taking the time to verbalize the positive aspects makes them more vivid and concrete in your thinking.4) If you must talk about your problems, discuss them with people who won’t make things worse.
Our natural tendency is to seek for validation. A shoulder to cry on or a set of ears to vent to, can be very comforting to have when going through tough situations. But not everyone who listens to you is good for you. Some friends will tell you want they think you want to hear, but the best friends are those who tell you what you will actually benefit from hearing.
I’ve seen many people turn minor incidents into major issues simply by indiscreetly sharing their challenges with people who “help” them see how bad things “really” are.
If you just lost your job, it may not be a good idea to talk to your friend who’s bitter about being recently laid off. If you just got into an argument with your significant other, there are probably better candidates for conversation than your anti-dating friend who thinks all men/women are losers. Such people may succeed in helping you feel like you’re not so crazy after all. That’s a good thing. You need people in your life, however, who will help you get your conversation faced in the right direction.
I don’t vent or complain much in my personal life. It usually only makes me feel worse. There are times, though, where I do feel a compelling need to blow some steam or consult another perspective. During those times, I am careful to choose people who subscribe to my core philosophy of self-empowerment.I encourage you to do the same. There’s a verse in the book of Proverbs which says “he who walks among the wise, will become wise.” Max Lucado wrote “God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way.” Those are the kinds of friends you want. Build a network of positive-minded people who accept you just as you are, but who love you too much to leave you that way.
This is plenty of food for thought today. Let’s pick up this topic again on Tomorrow.
Stay tuned and have an amazing day,