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People who don’t reciprocate

“I gave her a compliment and she didn’t give me one.”

“I loaned him money when he was in debt. Now, he wont even give me a dime during my time of need.”

 “I liked his Facebook page, but he didn’t like mine.”

Here’s my two cents on not getting hurt when someone fails to reciprocate:

Don’t reduce your kind words and offerings to acts of trade.

Do what you do because you really want to do it, say what you say because you sincerely mean it, and choose to “like” things for reasons that involve actually “liking” them.

If your primary motives are based on the intrinsic reward of self-fulfillment, then no one’s lack of reciprocation can ever get the best of you.

There is great power in making social connections through acts of good, but that power works best when it comes from genuine interest, authentic appreciation, and the honest pursuit of what is loved for its own sake.

When you make the procurement of joy your first priority in any transaction, you’ll never end up feeling empty-handed.

T.K. Coleman

This Post Has 9 Comments
  1. TK this is awesome. So very true. People should just do because they want to and because they feel it. I agree it should never be for trade but what you feel inside. Give to give not to get something in return. : )

    1. I agree with you 100%, Sara. The funny thing is that we think we need to do those things when our self-authenticity is good enough to take us everywhere we want to be. Thanks for stopping by and checking out the blog.

      Cheers 🙂


  2. I agree, and want to mature in order to live this out. However, is it wrong for me to back up off a family member who, for years, never acknowledges gifts sent, never celebrates life with me and her cousins on fb (don’t live close). Yet, we’re rooting her, applausing her happy posts, sending gifts, etc…? And even a recent facetime with her brother and sister, she made no effort to come and say hello. But when her brother said, “It’s grandma” she came. I don’t want to cut her competely off, due to feeling rejected, but when is enough, enough? We need love and support too.

  3. Yes, I agree we define who we are by what we do and also begs the question why we are motivated to do so, from either a genuine place or a manipulative place or somewhere in between that spectrum? When it comes to the area of reciprocity it is not an expectation in the form of a demand however one needs to ponder the intimacy of the relationship and context one is speaking of…when and in what ways reciprocity should be alive.

    We are defining our humanity on an individual level and a collective level by how we respond to others. I wonder if this acquaintances we are speaking of, general unknown persons to us such as waitresses, bus drivers, cashiers or are we talking family, friendships, intimate partners? In these exchanges we are relating ourselves towards others in varying degrees. There needs to be present levels of mutual respect and mutual engagement if it is to be healthy and feel well thus nurtures wellness for both parties. Mutual is encouraging an interplay of meeting another, a level of investing the self and thus appreciating the other in a way that engages one another. Which ignites a type of awareness in that one willingly and genuinely responds to another in a meaningful way…it can be as simple as someone gives a friendly smile and you reciprocate with a friendly smile back while you stand in a line in the grocery store, or a friend held a barbeque for you and your familywhich was really enjoyed by all and at another time you host a lunch or dinner at your place and allow them to enjoy the spread you worked hard to prepare so you can celebrate the friendship you have and want to nurture.

    This ties into equity theory that attempts to explain relational satisfaction in terms of perceptions of fair/unfair distributions and contrabutions for resources within interpersonal relations which leads to the reciprocity principle, as each process in motion, each consequence can create a positive/ negative self-reinforcing principle if positively or negatively recieved where one meets you in a mutual way thus feels nourishing or one does not meet you but takes and takes without genuinely meeting you feels more and more diminishing. It becomes a one way street of relating rather than a two way street. This is where one evaluates who they are relating to and if it is healthy to invest with the other any further or longer. Is there healthy resolution possible or not?

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