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Dealing with difficult people

You don’t need anyone to change their behavior in order to feel good and get what you want out of life.

If someone close to you is a non-stop complainer, for instance, there’s no need for you to get them to stop complaining. Their incessant complaining isn’t the problem.

For all you know, the complainer might be in a stage where they need to take large amounts of time exploring contrast as they learn to process their feelings. Trying to change them may not only create an unnecessarily frustrating experience for you, but you may also do more harm than good by making rash judgements about them which imply that they’re are somehow “wrong.”

The real issue is a lack of boundaries. The complainer may be getting his needs met by venting to you, but your failure to establish healthy and respectful rules of engagement drains you in the process. The solution is to find a way of supporting them that also allows you to meet your own need for a little peace, quiet, and positive reinforcement.

This kind of thinking isn’t limited to complainers. We all have to live, work, or play with people who require some creativity and patience to deal with.

You don’t have to micro-manage others in order to manage the results you get out of your interactions with them.

Once you learn to focus on what YOU want rather than on how you think THEY need to change, you will be able to create win-win scenarios in which others get to keep being themselves while you get to have what you want.

That’s my two cents.


T.K. Coleman

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