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Why do I have to be the one who takes responsibility for the problem?

Why do I have to be the one who takes responsibility for the problem? Why can’t the other person be required to make adjustments?

Why do I have to always be the bigger person? Why can’t I be the one who gets to be a jerk?

I’ll answer those questions if you can answer a few of mine:

Why would you want to place your happiness in someone else’s hands? What happens when people forget (or simply refuse) to make the kinds of adjustments you want them to make?

When people behave in ways that are displeasing to you, what happens then? Do you have to be unhappy until they apologize, grow up, or have a life altering epiphany?

Is this your idea of what a happy life looks like?

What is the alternative to taking responsibility for your life?

If you were capable of successfully creating the results you want by making adjustments in your behavior, what would constitute a good reason for not making those adjustments?

Just as a point of clarification, my questions have nothing to do with what people should do. The issue is what people actually do and how you’re going to respond to it.

I look forward to hearing your answers.



This Post Has 6 Comments
  1. Thanks for your everyday two cents emails. Although sometimes is hard to grasp the meanings of them but I get the general points!

    It’s the story of my life, to always practice being the bigger person when jerks show up in my life. I never look for an apology because my forgiveness muccels happend to grow strong due to life circumstances.. But as a free person in charge of my life and my loved ones i just want to make sure that those jerks are not going to show up again in my life.. So I can live in safety and happiness with my family..

    Adjustments! I am all about behavioral adjustments in my life since this to me is the whole purpose of being on planet earth.. But sometimes is hard to know what is the right adjustment specialy when you are in state of panic and confusion.. So since it seems that you know everything! Can you shed more light on the adjustments that can be helpful for one in state of panic and mistrust!

    Look forward hearing from you

    1. Hi Zac,

      Thanks for taking the time to write me. I appreciate your kind words and thoughtful comments.

      Kudos to you for being the bigger person when dealing with “difficult” people. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline and fortitude to develop one’s forgiveness muscles as you have done.

      I’ll offer my two cents regarding your question, but I can assure you that I do not know everything. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Most of my optimism comes from being brutally honest with myself about what I don’t know.

      You ask: “Can you shed more light on the adjustments that can be helpful for one in state of panic and mistrust!”

      My first adjustment would be to not make any major adjustments at all while in a state of panic and mistrust. My immediate choices would be aimed at helping myself get into a calmer and more stress-free state. Depending on the situation, this could mean walking out of the room/building until I cool off enough to approach the topic with a level head or it could mean suspending judgement for a few days while I talk things over with people who aren’t directly involved with the situation. This doesn’t cover the full gamut of possible adjustments, but the basic point is as follows: When you’re in a positive/healthy inner state, you have greater access to the kind of creative ideas and intelligent insights that you’ll need in order to effectively solve whatever the problem is. This is a very general answer of course, but we could always get more specific if you’d like. Your thoughts?

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