How can I place myself in a position to obtain what I need without requiring the other party to be wrong?
This single question is the Achilles’ heel of conflict.
The most difficult aspect of conflict resolution is not conflict resolution, but judgement dissolution— letting go of the need to frame others as evil, sinful, deceitful, or mischievous simply because they act in ways that are incongruent with our self-interest.
Creative solutions are relatively easy when the mind is open and active , but it’s impossible to create win-win scenarios when we’re committed to seeing our perspective as “the good side” and all opposing viewpoints as “the bad side.”
One of my cornerstone beliefs is that nobody needs to be wrong in order for you to be right. The corollary of that belief is that you don’t need to be wrong in order for somebody else to be right.
Nevertheless, some people find it psychologically impossible and morally irresponsible to analyze problems without identifying SOMEBODY as being in the wrong.
No problem. Although I think you’d have an easier time if you drop that issue entirely, there’s no need to force it.
Here’s a modified version of the conflict-killing question:
How can I place myself in a position to obtain what I need without requiring the other party to agree with me about how wrong I think they are?
Now, you can remain true to your moral sensitivities, but you can sidestep the improbable task of getting someone to cooperate with you at the expense of their own ego.
Here’s today’s two cents:
If you stay focused on what you need, dealing with “difficult” people gets easier and easier.
If you insist on wrestling with “the enemy” until they bow down to the superiority of your position, then a good fight is exactly what you’ll get.
The choice is yours.