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Be a “control freak”

I’m a control freak!

This is precisely why I never try to control people.

The process of trying to manipulate and manage others, as a means of achieving happiness, is the most unreliable, unpredictable, and unnerving approach to life I can possibly imagine.

I like to be in the driver’s seat, as far as MY personal experience is concerned, as often as possible.

The only method I’ve discovered that allows me to be at-cause in every situation is the practice of┬ámanipulating and managing my own perceptions.

Here’s today’s two cents:

We can’t control the world no matter how much we freak out. And even when it seems like our world is under control, it’s only an illusion. The Universe can flip the script on us (or even throw out the script entirely) at any moment.

The only control we’ll ever have is the power to be mindful, aware, conscious, and deliberate in relation to how we focus our attention.

Fortunately that’s all the control we need.

If you’re going to be a control freak about something, be a control freak about the things you actually can control.


T.K. Coleman

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  1. Likewise. We don’t lead our lives day-to-day in “emergency” mode, but events do happen that .
    can “flip the script” on us, as you say. But we can (and do) learn to control our thoughts and therefore, our reactions to events. I think of this as self-control.

    Believe that the more self-control we develop and maintain, the less we try to seek the illusion of this through trying to control others.

    “Fortunately, that’s all the control we need.” You bet. Spot on.



  2. I’m a control freak about all aspects of my emotional and mental states, when I lose this control, that’s when I know that things will be bad and ugly, but because I am such a controller about my emotions and such, I’ve noticed that I miss important parts. When I’ve been in relationships, and that means of any kind, I’ve controlled what I’ve said, how I’ve acted, and where I allow my emotions to roam, having done this for many years, I just realized what I was allowing to slide past me all because I was in the driver’s seat, as you say, and I wasn’t as aware and mindful because I was so face forward as to where I was going.

    Being so up front and in some cases standoffish, arogant, and even at times heartless, I missed out on my possible relationship statuses. I let people that would have been good for me walk out and never talk to me again. Others tried to deal with my controlling problem and eventually gave up as well.

    Did I take this self-control too far? Is there a drawing line or boundry where it becomes too much? Is there a point of being in control of our power over our mindfullness, awareness, consciousness, does it ever get to a point when it’s rounding back and ends up kicking us harder? (If that makes any sense whatsoever). Does all of that control make you as blind as you would be if you weren’t in control?



    1. Hi Emmy,

      Just wondering: Nathaniel Branden, a practicing psychologist who wrote many books, including
      “The Psychology of Self-Esteem” suggests we add the thinking, don’t subtract the emotions.
      Because I do agree with you that there is self-control, but then there’s repression (which overly suppressess the emotions) and is defined as an “automatic avoidance reactor” and can be problematic (speaking from experience.)

      I think of the emotions as the engine of a car—you need them to get moving (to be motivated)—but the thinking is you as the driver, otherwise you’re not going to know where your car’s going
      to take you.

      What do you think?



      1. Hello Alana,

        I thank you for your response and I will take a look into that book by Nathaniel Branden, it sounds like somethin I might benefit from. I might even read a few of his other books if I seem them as beneficial as well.

        I understand that I, as the driver of my emotions, need motivation otherwise I am a parked vehicle with nowhere to go. I’ve been parked for far too long and now I have a lot of catching up to do. I see how problematic it has become.

        Again thank you Alana. And I will use the advice given.

        My regards,

        Emmy ­čÖé

        1. Hello again, Emmy,

          Good thinking. I’ve read some exceptional self-help books and found them to be very beneficial.
          I deeply appreciate the thought, care and wisdom in them. And how much my own thoughts and
          life have improved because of their works.

          Dr. Nathaniel Branden’s “Psychology of Self-Esteem” starts out by explaining the basis for a
          healthy self-esteem, in a clear and helpful manner.

          May I first suggest Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “Pulling Your Own Strings” and “Your Erroneous Zones.”

          These are very easy reads. Down to earth. Reminds us of our humanity and spirituality. He makes a great deal of sense and doesn’t overcomplicate matters. One point that jumped out at me was that “Women are taught to care neurotically.” He will explain this very well. But he does elaborate on the various issues that go into men’s and women”s psyches and the problematic
          fallout. But definitely shows how to mend this.

          And the mending is cumulative. Once one starts “on the mend” the process of improvement
          picks up momentum. I.E. “The whole process of learning is to make us bigger, not smaller.”

          Appreciate your response.



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