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Stories Versus Results

We tend to judge ourselves by our stories.

We tend to judge others by their actions.

When we fall short, we comfort ourselves with the knowledge we have about our own complex narrative.

When others fall short, it’s easier to dismiss them as inconsiderate, unreliable, or incompetent.

Here’s today’s two cents:

Everyone has a story.

When we remember that, we get better results from everyone.


T.K. Coleman

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  1. Of course we judge ourselves by our own stories, and of course we judge others by their own actions, we do because it’s pretty close to being natural.

    The reason I consider it to be natural is because we think that we should have done something different in our story in order to have turned out the way we would have liked for it to, the issue with this sort of thinking is that we don’t really, 100% know that this other method would have made us any 100% different from the person that we are today. We did the things we did at the time because we thought it would have been the best route to take, that’s why we did it. We judge other people by their own actions because we think (and rather quite arogantly if you ask me) that our method of doing something would have been more beneficial than their method. The problem with this is the same as wanting to go back to fix our own story, it’s not full-proof, we do not know if it will make the situation better or worse, at least not 100% better or 100% worse.

    We do tend to comfort ourselves by knowing our full story, and we do dismiss those who fall short without knowing their full complex story. We comfort oursleves by the thought that we can remind ourselves that we made it through our own hardest and toughest times, we usually forget that when we dismiss other people. We forget that they made it through their lives without much help from other people, just as we did. As humans, we are more capable of comforting ourselves than we are at comforting another person. That’s just because we are capable of telling ourselves the truth of our lives, and that truth being that it is hard, but it will get better down the line. We are not capable of telling others this truth because we don’t know just how hard their life has been, or just how much harder their life will get later on. We, technically, would be lying because we don’t know for sure.

    But, question T.K., does the matter of the story change the thoughts of others around us? Does the story that we have kept under lock and key change the the views of those who judge us by our actions? Our story changes us, but it does not have to change those around us, it can if they wish for it to, but they do not have to change if they know our full complex story line. The result of the story is what gets us judged by others, so would the full story really matter, and would it really help us or other people?

  2. Yes, T.K. So-o-o important to know that “everyone has a story.” And to learn some of these stories by asking, and/or listening, observing. People are worth the effort. Believe much of
    this entails respect.

    The more we understand ourselves, the more we understand others, and conversely.

    And to try and look for people’s strengths: Family, friends, colleagues, employees, etc.

    Doesn’t mean we condone every action, but we can learn to be more judicious about this.
    Alternative thinking? For example, if I’m cut off by another car while driving, I prefer to think
    that the driver may have a family emergency he or she is rushing to. (Because I don’t know
    their story.)

    Much like a mirror: What we reflect outwards, reflects back on us.

    Thanks for your thoughts.



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