I’ve finally seen the light!
Negative people are negative because they possess special insights into what’s really going on that us positive people are too stupid or naive to know.
It’s true. Pessimists aren’t negative. They’re just too intelligent to waste their time on mythological concepts like hope and self-determination.
If those of us who are positive knew all the facts, which negative people clearly are aware of, then we, too, would be sufficiently enlightened to find negativity the only logical and sane response to the real world.
Our job, as positive people, is not to go around irritating the world with thoughts of health and wellness.
Our job is to liberate ourselves, through proper education, from such old-fashioned nonsense.
The more we know, the more we’ll realize that self-help, positive psychology, and personal development are just a bunch of b.s.
Once we see through the illusion of optimism, we can get on with what life is really about: being unhappy and refusing to feel good until the last bit of bad news has been eradicated.
After all, positivity is not only irrational and unscientific, it’s dangerous.
Positivity will ruin your life. It will turn you into a total loser.
If you allow yourself to be happy, you’ll lose your motivation for being a good person.
You might start robbing banks or killing people.
It happens all the time; people get happy and then they start robbing banks and killing people.
Don’t be like those people.
Do the intelligent thing. Do the responsible thing. Do the right thing.
Make the world a better place by being negative and unhappy.
I’ll go first.
As of today, I’m done with positivity…