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Assertive is the new nice

It’s easy to assume that being assertive will transform you into a jerk.

In actuality, it’s the other way around.

Being pretentiously nice (ie. refusing to be assertive out of a fear-based need to avoid conflict) is more likely to transform you into a jerk.

When you fail to speak up for yourself, resentment builds until you eventually blow up on the people around you in ways that are far more dramatic than if you had been honest from the beginning.

The paradox of avoiding conflict is that the people who AVOID it the most end up CREATING it the most.

Assertive people are able to be generous and kind because, by being truthful, their needs are already taken care of and they’re able to give without bitterness and resistance.

Here’s today’s two cents:

Take care of yourself!

Say “yes” to everything you sincerely want to do and offer a respectful unapologetic “no” to everything that’s not aligned with your values, priorities, and important goals.

Say what you mean and leave everything else out of your conversation.

If you’re afraid of being a jerk, remember the following: being assertive isn’t as half as ‘jerky’ as being dishonestly accommodating and then acting like a martyr for how holy and self-sacrificing you’ve been.

At least that’s the way I see it.


T.K. Coleman

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