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A quick and easy way to start a quarrel

Yesterday’s post was about “A quick and easy way to eliminate quarrelling.” If you’d like, you can read it here.

In the name of being “objective”, I decided to do the reverse today. Sometimes, it helps to see an issue from both sides.

So, if you’re interested in destroying your relationships and creating conflict wherever you go, here are some surefire guidelines:

For starters, don’t talk about your actual needs.

Talk about how horrible it is that you even need to have a conversation with the other party about your needs in the first place. Emphasize how insensitive and unloving they are for needing to be informed about this need. Be sure to inform them of how much better you think your life would be if you didn’t have to use up your valuable time and energy “educating” them.

Talk about how horrible of a person they are for all the times in the past when they failed to recognize or meet your needs.

Talk about how horrible of a person they are for not understanding why you care about your needs so much. Don’t let them get away with merely being willing to compromise. Require them to agree with you about how much of an idiot you think they are.

Talk about how horrible of a person they are for not feeling the proper emotions when you inform them of your needs. At this point, they may try to shift the focus from how they feel to how passionate they are about meeting your needs anyway. Don’t allow this. Sit there and harp on them until they actually evoke the same emotions as you.

Talk about how horrible of a person they are for not needing the same things you need. Be amazed and astounded by the fact that they understand the concepts of love, friendship, and support in a way that’s different from you.

Whatever you do, don’t treat the other party as if they’re actually interested in a solution.

Accept as axiomatic that they don’t really care about you, and refuse to consider any of their past sacrifices or good deeds as evidence to the contrary.

Assume from the outset that they WANT to have a difficult time with you.

If they claim to have good intentions or sincere motives, make them prove it with the highest form of empirical evidence. Do NOT grant them the benefit of a doubt EVEN IF they’ve been your friend, customer, partner, or spouse for years.

If you follow the above advice, you shouldn’t have a difficult time starting a quarrel with anyone at anytime.

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