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There’s more to friendship than hanging out on the weekends

It took me 7 years to graduate college.

In my first two years, I was academically dismissed on two separate occasions for failing to maintain a 2.0 Grade Point Average.

I spent half of my college career on academic probation.

The worst part about those facts is that I am a nerd who loves to study and learn.

I actually enjoy school.

How, then, did I manage to struggle so much at a task that I’m naturally suited for?

Two words: peer pressure.

My friends constantly teased me for wanting to spend all my time studying in libraries and coffee shops. They told me, “you can study anytime.” They told me to relax and have fun. They even accused me of loving my books more than them.

So I oriented my life around fitting in, pleasing my friends, partying hard, and proving that I loved them as much I as love my work.

And for three consecutive years I watched all those friends graduate on time as I was forced to stay back and repeat classes I had failed.

My friends weren’t around to help me when I had to have uncomfortable conversations with my parents about why I failed to meet my responsibilities.

My friends weren’t around to help me when I had to explain to so many people why I was still in college in spite of my start date.

I was labeled by many people as lazy, irresponsible, and immature. None of my friends were around to help me tell the full story.

Those friends were busy living their lives and I had to sort through my embarrassment and financial loss all by myself.

I have no regrets because I learned a valuable lesson that will never leave me:

Any friend who refuses to consider your values and responsibilities is not a friend.

Sometimes, the people in our lives need to be taught what our boundaries are. But once those boundaries have been taught, those friends need to respect them or get out of the way.

Love isn’t just about demanding someone’s time; it’s also about encouraging the people we care for to do what’s right even if it conflicts with our own selfish agendas.

Today, I have just as many friends as I did back in college. But none of those friends are people who make me feel guilty or apologetic for orienting my life around the values and responsibilities that reflect my true self.

I suggest you find similar kinds of friends.


T.K. Coleman

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  1. I feel for you, T.K. and with you. I did graduate on time, but I was very very unhappy by that time. I had many “friends” who teased me as well for all the studying I did and for not drinking and the like. Sometimes I did succumb to that peer pressure, but I always regretted it because it always had negative repercussions. I finally withdrew from those “friends” and made a few who were of the kind you have described. The kind who cared about me with my boundaries and however I was. they were respectful and so I had two terms (college was on the quarter system, not semesters) out of my 4 years of college that I felt sometimes all right with the world, myself and had true friends.
    I am so happy to hear that you have plenty of good, kind, loving respectful friend, as many as in college, only truly there for you and with you. 🙂 Cheers 🙂

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