There’s a difference between 1) expressing dissatisfaction and 2) giving precise instructions for how your expectations can be met.
The former alerts others to the fact of your disappointment. The latter provides them with a positive understanding of how they can actually satisfy you.
“It really angers me when you do ABC” doesn’t necessarily lead to the same result as “I would appreciate it if you would do XYZ.”
Instinctual communication is reactive. All it requires is that we say what we feel.
Intentional communication is goal-oriented. It requires us to think clearly about the result we want our words to create.
The next time you address an issue with someone, ask yourself the following:
Am I speaking just for the purpose of giving them a piece of my mind or is there a practical goal I would like to achieve through my words?