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Goal-oriented Communication

There’s a difference between 1) expressing dissatisfaction and 2) giving precise instructions for how your expectations can be met.

The former alerts others to the fact of your disappointment. The latter provides them with a positive understanding of how they can actually satisfy you.

“It really angers me when you do ABC” doesn’t necessarily lead to the same result as “I would appreciate it if you would do XYZ.”

Instinctual communication is reactive. All it requires is that we say what we feel.

Intentional communication is goal-oriented. It requires us to think clearly about the result we want our words to create.

The next time you address an issue with someone, ask yourself the following:

Am I speaking just for the purpose of giving them a piece of my mind or is there a practical goal I would like to achieve through my words?

This Post Has 2 Comments
  1. Yet another excellent example of how to live
    the “expressed life” and the real benefits of
    ” intentional vs. instinctual communication.”

    And this should start from birth. Parent to child,
    generation to generation. It is a learned skill.

    90% of communication that goes on in families
    is non-verbal (meta-communication.) The basic
    underlying message is to read one another’s minds.
    Because if you’re THAT close, you should be able to.
    It can be deeply entrenched and operating without
    conscious awareness. As adults they go out into the
    world expecting the same thing of coworkers, lovers,
    friends and spouses. When relationships break down
    it’s usually over a series of hidden resentments. Based
    on unacknowledged, unspoken misunderstandings.

    For example, when my brother and sister were very
    frustrated with our mother, I encouraged them to talk
    to her about it. Their answer was: “She’s our mother.
    She should know us.” Spoken with unyielding adamance.
    No persuading otherwise. And so it went down into the
    next generations. Watching them all be invisible to one
    another. Arguing over the same issues decade to decade,
    Stuck. Frozen. Addicted to it. Have observed this in other
    families too.

    “Intentional communication is goal-oriented. It requires us to
    think clearly about the result we want our words to create.”
    Indeed! It does take some effort but it’s worth it. Infinitely
    better than the results if we don’t.

    No Vulcan mind meld here.

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