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Before you disagree, breathe deeply and count to three

shaken not stirred miss moneypenny.“A few years ago I used to be a hothead. Whenever anyone said anything, I’d think of a way to disagree. I’d push back hard if something didn’t fit my world-view. It’s like I had to be first with an opinion – as if being first meant something. But what it really meant was that I wasn’t thinking hard enough about the problem. The faster you react, the less you think. Not always, but often.” -Jason Fried

One of my favorite pieces of advice comes from an insightful blog post by Jason Fried of 37 Signals entitled “Give it 5 minutes.”

In that article, Jason talks about the tendency that we all exhibit, at some time or another, to listen to other people’s point of view from a contrarian perspective. While Jason does not condemn the value of disagreement, he does make a strong case for the notion that we tend to miss out on crucial details when our main goal is to find what’s wrong with people’s arguments and assertions. Even when the ability to detect flaws is needed, that ability is enhanced, not compromised, when we take time to understand the positions we critique.

In The Complexity of Contextual Communication, the philosopher Ravi Zacharias wrote:

“Often audiences are subjected to a barrage of ideas that betray more the pet peeve or preoccupation of the speaker than they do the intention of the text. Any text wrenched from its context is in danger of becoming a pretext.”

I work as an administrator/content manager for several Facebook pages devoted to spreading inspirational messages through the sharing of quotes from various influencers throughout history.  On a daily basis, I get to observe dozens of different ways in which people react to quotes and quips. Here are some real examples:

Quote: “Let go and let God.”

User comment: Well, actually, you can’t LET God do anything. He’s God and, therefore, doesn’t need your permission. This is a very arrogant statement. It should be ‘humble yourself and obey God.”

Mean-spirited sarcastic words I’ve been tempted to say: Oh wow! Thanks for enlightening all of us. I had no idea how arrogant I was being when I told people this. Thanks for letting me know that I do not have the power to control God’s decisions. Because, prior to you educating me, I actually believed that God needed my permission in order for him to be God. And screw the whole idea about this just being a metaphorical way of saying, ‘make peace with the things you can’t control.” I’m just so relieved to know that I don’t have to do God’s job anymore, that I’m too overwhelmed by my gratitude for you to even care about anything else.

Quote: “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

User comment: “uhmm, no it’s not. If you have a vivid imagination, but you don’t know what you’re talking about, then that makes you a crazy person.”

Mean-spirited sarcastic words I’ve been tempted to say: I wish Einstein was alive to hear you say this because he probably would have accepted quantum mechanics before he died if your wisdom was around to save him from his delusional thinking. Can you imagine how much smarter Einstein would have been if he wasn’t under the impression that it’s okay to be ignorant as long as you know how to fantasize? In fact, I’m starting to lose my respect for Albert altogether. How could he have missed that? What was he thinking?

Quote: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

User comment: You can’t create positive change just by “being” a better person. You have to get out there and challenge people. You have to get in people’s faces and shake things up if you want to get stuff done.”

Mean-spirited sarcastic words I’ve been tempted to say: Amen to that, Buddy. Boooo Ghandi. What a dork. What has he accomplished anyway? Maybe had he focused more on doing some actual work instead of just sitting around and “being” all the time, he could have created some changes in the real world. Thanks for keeping it real.

Quote: “Never, never, never give up.”

User comment: WRONG! If you’re doing something stupid, you should stop.

Mean-spirited sarcastic words I’ve been tempted to say: I know, right? I literally hate Winston Churchill for being so one-dimensional in his philosophy that he would actually encourage people to keep doing whatever it is they are doing REGARDLESS of whether it’s good or not? Why would anybody even listen to this guy? The only reason quotes like this survive for so long is because people refuse to think. Thanks to you, I’m not only going to start using my brain, but I’ll also stop encouraging people to do stupid stuff.

I could go on and on with examples like these.

As you can see from some of the reactions I’ve had in my head, I sometimes  feel annoyed by people’s opinions.

There are moments when I see these types of comments and I just want to give people a lecture on the basics of reading comprehension and the principle of charitable interpretation.

Sometimes, I just want to scream, “You idiot!!! You missed the whole point.”

And that’s when I realize that I’m the one who needs to give it five minutes.

Perhaps it’s ME, not THEM, who’s guilty of misunderstanding.

Perhaps it’s ALL OF US who are guilty of misunderstanding.

Perhaps it’s neither.

Perhaps there are understandings that transcend ALL of our dichotomies, differences. and disagreements.

Whatever the possibilities may be, I am convinced of the following:

There’s no deadline on disagreement.

In most cases, we have nothing to lose by taking our time when assessing other people and the ideas they espouse.

Even when we feel others are wrong; even when we feel others are not listening; even when we feel as if the world is going to crumble if we don’t save the planet from erroneous thinking, there is great power, tremendous influence, and a higher quality of understanding that awaits those who can learn the art of disagreeing with discernment, diplomacy, and discretion.

In the words of Levar Burton, taken from the best show ever aired on Television (reading rainbow), “don’t take my word for it.” If you have five minutes, you can read Jason Fried’s excellent post for yourself. You’ve read my reaction. Take five minutes and tell me yours.

On another note, if you’re a busy person and you don’t have time for all this “give it five minutes” stuff, there’s an alternative perspective advocated by Rainn Wilson, from “The Office”, and it’s ten times funnier than anything I can write. Plus, he says it in less than two minutes. In fact after watching him in this video, I think I’m going to go delete all my inspirational pages from Facebook now.


T.K. Coleman

Whose mind is it anyway?

It makes no sense to ridicule those who place blind faith in Pseudoscience, only to become someone who places blind faith in Science, Politics, Philosophy, or any other kind of external Authority.

Blind faith is blind faith even if one’s dogmatic commitments are anointed by Academia.

To invoke the words of Herbert V. Guenther, “There is not the slightest difference whether one is fettered by a chain of gold or a rope of straw.”

There are some who think “skepticism” means “the refusal to uncritically accept paranormal claims.”

Skepticism actually means “the refusal to uncritically accept ANY claims INCLUDING so-called ‘normal’ ones.”

There are some who think “free-thinking” means freedom from religious authority.

Free-thinking actually means “freedom from ANY kind of authority which discourages a person from thinking for themselves and conducting their own research.”

The pursuit of Truth is not a quest to figure out whose words we should uncritically believe; it’s a journey that involves learning how to use our own logic, our own intuition, our own investigative efforts, and our own experience as a means of understanding the universe.

So, here’s my Independence Day message:

Always, always, always think for yourself.

It’s not only your most reliable safeguard against manipulation, deceit, and regret, but it also offers you the greatest chance at forming perceptions that are consistent with YOUR convictions and YOUR experiences.

I don’t know where freedom ends, but it almost certainly begins at the moment when we assert our right to be unbound by any form of ideological coercion.

Be critical

The antithesis of negativity is not positive thinking, but critical thinking.

Skepticism, rather than optimism, is the most powerful way to undermine pessimistic presuppositions.

The perception of doom and gloom does not arise from a lack of faith in the goodness of the Universe, but from an overabundance of confidence in what we think we already know.

Pessimism, in all of its forms, is a claim to knowledge. And like all claims to knowledge, its premises can be questioned and its assumptions challenged.

I allow ease

Today I allow the process of personal development to be easy.

Instead of reflexively dismissing this suggestion as absurd or impossible, I choose to open my mind to horizons which transcend precedent.

Using the same critical thinking skills i apply in everyday life, I consciously decide to question any and all assumptions about what I cannot do.

There are tools which I have not yet tried. There are things which I have not yet studied. There are thoughts which I have not yet contemplated. There are techniques which I have not yet considered.

I have not exhausted all options for developing my sense of spiritual consciousness and personal mastery.

I have every reason to believe that my difficulties are the result of beliefs, mental habits, conceptual schemas, and spiritual practices which do not serve me in my efforts to live a more prosperous and peaceful life.

Rather than reject the pursuit of happiness as tough or troublesome, I reject those beliefs, habits, and practices which make it appear difficult.

Everything is easy once I learn how to do it and I am fully capable of learning how to see life in new ways.

Being happy does not need to be difficult. Even if being happy was difficult in the past, it does not need to be difficult in the future.

I am now letting go of my difficulty-creating beliefs and am actively reaching for a higher perspective which sees my current struggles as a walk through the park.

This is possible for me. From now on, I focus the energy of my thoughts and words in the direction of this possibility.

It is so and so it is.

T.K. Coleman

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