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Being yourself actually works

Being yourself actually works.

You can get away with self-authenticity a lot more than you’ve been conditioned to believe.

Here’s an inside tip that you’ll never discover by listening to “fearmongers” and “do-gooders:”

The universe is big enough to handle you.

Your honesty will not cause an apocalypse.

You can afford to veer off the beaten path. You can afford to create your own philosophy. You can afford to stop putting on an act. You can afford to ignore any piece of advice that you don’t believe in. You can afford to admit what you really think, feel, and desire.

The world’s ability to adapt to your choices is remarkable. 

People are better than you can imagine at getting over their objections once they realize that the reality they’re dealing with is non-negotiable.

When you allow others to feel the weight of who you truly are, you transform their resistance into respect.

If you present yourself to the world as an option, people will negotiate your personality right out of existence.

If you present yourself to the world as a fact to be reckoned with, people will simply do what they always do when confronted with facts: they will adjust and move on.

The unexpressed life (is not worth living)

I Can't Speak“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.” -Franz Kafka

None of us want to be abandoned.

None of us want to feel rejected.

No one wakes up in the morning hoping they will hear someone say, “I don’t love you anymore”, “I don’t like the person you’ve become”, or “I’m no longer interested in being friends.

Nevertheless, we all must, at some point, exercise the courage necessary to let the people in our lives experience the truth of who we are.

Sometimes, they will surprise us with their ability to accept us unconditionally.

Sometimes, they will disappoint us with their disapproval.

Either way, when we are honest in the places that we need to be, we will discover what it is like to experience our relationships as accurate reflections of our real self.

Audre Lorde wrote: “I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.” 

What’s worse: 1) having an opinion that gets bruised? or 2) having a life that feels bitter and boring because you’re too afraid to have an opinion?

What sounds more scary: 1) Being misunderstood? or 2) being miserable and mundane because you never take the risk of being misunderstood?

Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.”

Ditto for the unexpressed life.

“No” can be a very kind word to say

Saying “yes” is not synonymous with love.

Sometimes we use the word “yes” as a tool to end conversations, calm people’s anxieties, give them hope, prove we care, avoid causing hurt feelings, or to sum it all up in a simple phrase, “be nice.”

When we say “yes” for any other reason besides truly wanting or intending to do what we promise, we not only create the very misunderstandings and hurt feelings we sought to avoid, but we also lose trust and respect in the process.

If you really want to show someone you care, then practice saying “no” to them. “No” is a way of saying the following:

“I take you seriously enough to tell you the truth. I see you as someone who is mature enough to handle a relationship that’s based on honesty. I trust you enough to believe that your assessment of my value goes beyond my ability to do everything you ask me to do. Furthermore, because I want you to get what you want, I’m going to dispel any illusions that you can acquire it through me at this time. Rather than waste your time by giving you the run around, I’m going to free you up to immediately act on any other options you may have.”

People may experience a little frustration when you send such a message to them, but they will appreciate that a lot more than you leading them down a winding dead-end path for days, weeks, or months.

Besides, whenever you do get around to saying “yes”, they will know you mean it and will value your word.

The next time you’re asked to do something that’s not right or possible for you, do the nice thing and just say “no.”

Cheers,

T.K. Coleman

If you enjoy my posts, be sure to also check out my weekly celebrity inspiration blog, Gossip Gone Good.

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