This past weekend, I experienced an unprecedented variety of unanticipated inconveniences.
The amount of time I lost almost made my blood boil.
I had to reassign so many tasks that I am now in the unenviable position of managing twice my already abnormal workload.
I woke up this morning thinking thoughts like “I should have never promised A that I would do B” and “I should have never told X that I would attend Y.”
Deep down inside I truly felt like a victim.
I felt like I was being forced to do all sorts of things that I didn’t want to do.
I felt completely powerless.
I felt as if I was being pushed around by a universe that refused to take it easy on me.
That’s how I FELT!
Here’s what I KNOW:
I am always creating my own reality even when I don’t feel excited about the consequences of my choices.
My ability to say “I don’t like this” or “this doesn’t feel good” does not make me a victim.
The process of manifesting and maintaining the things that are important to me involves creative challenges that sometimes seem to push me to the brink of frailty. Taking ownership of these creative challenges are part of parcel of what it means to be a self-determined being.
Buying a new car means dealing with the DMV. Choosing to travel means sorting out the nuances of flight details. Being part of a business means actually doing something that improves the business. Having a job means showing up for the job AND doing some work. Having successful relationships means making time for the people I love even when it’s easier to make excuses. Wanting good health means investing valuable energy into making healthy decisions even though it’s ten times more convenient to just grab a whopper with cheese and call it a night. Having dreams means getting out of bed and getting physically involved with those dreams.
It’s so easy to say things like “I have to eat this”, “I have to go here”, “I have to stand in this stupid line”, “I have to stay up late”, “I have to make time for that”, “I have to get this done by that deadline”, and “I have to cancel this”, and “I have to sacrifice that”, but such talk is all a distraction from the simple fact that we are choosing, in every moment, how we want to live.
We decide what’s necessary. We choose what’s important. We make up the rules. We are the glue that holds our commitments together. If we really wanted to, there’s nothing that stops any of us from saying “to hell” with all of the things we allegedly have to do.
“I have to do this” really means “I am determined to do this, regardless of the inconveniences involved, because I am THAT passionate about the results I freely decided I’m going to create.”
C.S. Lewis defined “Faith” as the art of holding on to what we know to be true in spite of our shifting moods.
Sometimes my mood says to me “T.K. life is being so hard on you right now.”
I’m in touch with my mood cycles enough to know that “this too shall pass.”
But until then, it feels good to know that my faith will see me through.
If you’re in a similar place, I hope the same is also true for you.
Cheers to knowing that it’s always up to you,