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Making THEM guess only makes YOU suffer

“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood…My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you….What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language.” -Audre Lorde

Having reasonable expectations isn’t the same thing as being clear with others.

In other words, the mere fact that your expectations may be fair (given your background assumptions and so forth) does not, in and of itself, mean that other people will be consciously aware of what you’re expecting from them.

In relationships, being reasonable is not enough. One must put forth the effort necessary to communicate.

Making sense inside of your own head will never be a good substitute for making your needs known.

It’s easy to find loyal friends who’ll comfort us by saying “I totally see your point of view.” It’s a lot harder to take responsibility for articulating that point of view to the people who can actually do something about it.

If you need something, figure out a way (and yes, that involves work, study, risk, and possible discomfort) to get your message across.

Don’t settle for being a reasonable complainer or an understandable martyr. Stand up, step forward, and speak out.

Your needs matter. Why risk leaving their fulfillment in the hands of someone else’s ability to guess what they are?

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