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Worrying and caring are two different things

I know people who care about money, but they don’t worry about money.

I know people who care about their health, but they don’t worry about their health.

I know people who care about the problems they have, but they don’t worry about those problems.

What’s the difference?

To care means your heart’s energy is invested in a particular outcome; you have a preference or passion for something.

To worry means you fret and feel anxiety over the things you care about.

A person who worries always cares. A person who cares, however, doesn’t always worry.

It’s easy to assume that if someone doesn’t panic, freak out, or display visible signs of stress, that they don’t care as much as those who do.

Sometimes, it can be the reverse. Some people are so passionate about solving problems and creating results that they work very hard to maintain a calm state of mind in order to more readily access their creative thinking.

The next time you feel stressed and you’re tempted to judge someone who doesn’t seem to care as much as you do, keep this distinction in mind.

It may save you some additional stress.

That’s my two cents.


T.K. Coleman

An incident is not an issue

I’m convinced that most of us are not worn out by big issues. It’s just that we tend to squander our resources on the little things until we have nothing left in the tank when we attempt to address the big things.

It’s sorta like the guy who eats out a lot and spends $15-20 on food everyday. It doesn’t seem like a big deal to him in the moment. But when it’s time to pay a $200 bill two weeks later, he might wonder where his money went. In fact, he might not even think about that part at all. He might just blame the $200 bill for his stress and go on assuming that his life would be better if he didn’t have to pay that bill. In reality, his problem is not the bill. It’s money management. Had he more carefully budgeted his resources, he would have had little difficulty in handling the larger sized payments.

Just like we have bills to pay, we all have issues to deal with. 

Create an emotional budget

Two of the greatest assets we have in dealing with issues is time and energy.

Learning how to manage the amount of time we spend “sweating the small stuff”, will help us budget our energy in order to have more patience and creativity available for the big stuff.

Here’s a simple, yet practical, distinction that can reduce the amount of time we spend analyzing everyday problems or arguing over them with others.

An Incident is not an issue.

An “incident” is the occurrence of an unwanted event (ie. someone accidentally steps on your toe while you’re walking down the street).

An “issue” is a recurring problem (ie. the guy who stepped on your toe today is your co-worker and he somehow finds a way to do this to you everyday while you’re walking to your car after work).

If you don’t start a problem, there might not be a problem

When something unwanted happens, we tend to react in frustration by demanding lifestyle changes, long conversations, apologies, explanations, etc.

For example, when someone makes a mistake, it’s common for them to say something like “I need to be more careful.” While this judgement is possibly true, it isn’t necessarily the case.

Everybody makes mistakes. That’s simply a part of being human. Simply, acknowledging this fact is much more stress-free than turning every mishap into a judgement about your entire lifestyle or personality.

Maybe you don’t need to be more careful. Maybe you just forgot, or you were sleepy, or you had too much on your mind. Unless this is something you do 2-3 times a week and it’s starting to hurt your relationships, why not let it be the incident that it is?

Most of the unwanted things that happen on a daily basis are the result of encounters with people we’ll never see again (or at least not for a long time); common errors committed by individuals who normally get it right; simple mistakes that will naturally resolve themselves with time, and a host of factors that we’ll rarely have to address again if we let them slide.

Don’t turn a perfectly forgettable incident into a long drawn out issue. Conserve your energy. Youre gonna need it.

At least that’s the way I see it.

What about you?

T.K. Coleman

If you liked this post, check out:

Sometimes there’s no lesson to learn

If you enjoy my posts, be sure to also check out my weekly celebrity inspiration blog, Gossip Gone Good.


Finding a worry-free zone

Here’s a popular myth about “worry”:

If the circumstances that a particular person is worried about were different, then the sense of anxiety felt by that person would disappear.

This assumption flies in the face of the facts. Time and time again, it has been shown that “worry”, in and of itself, is immune to changes in external conditions.

“Worry” is a one-sided coin

People who don’t have money tend to worry about getting money. Hence, they tend to assume that people who do have money don’t suffer from financial related stress. But this isn’t true at all. People who do have money tend to worry about losing what they have.

This phenomenon applies to most anxiety inducing issues almost straight across the board.

People who are lonely may worry about finding a lover, but people with lovers may worry about being abandoned or betrayed by the lover they have.

People without jobs worry about finding one, while the employed worry about layoffs and wage reductions.

People who aspire to do great things may worry about failure, yet people who have succeeded can worry about their best work being far behind them.

Does this mean that “worry” can never be conquered? Absolutely not! It simply means that it wont be conquered by wishing our lives were different than they actually are.

Change the direction of your faith

“Worry” can only be overcome by accepting the fact that it takes faith to live life. Fortunately, we have something solid we can place that faith in; the simple fact that we have the power to process our experiences in whatever way we choose regardless of our circumstances and conditions.

For those who aren’t comfortable with the idea of transcending “worry” with the power of faith, you might benefit from knowing that “worry” is simply another form of faith. Just as a frown is an upside down smile, “worry” is merely faith moving in a backward direction. When you “worry”, you are placing your faith in the idea that your life is an effect rather than a cause. Nothing could be further from the truth.

If you choose to disagree with me, you’re proving my point. How? By deciding to reject this idea, you are affirming your ability to decide for yourself what you will believe.

Now, here’s my question to you: If you have the power to make decisions like that, why not use it for your own good by believing in only the best for yourself?

T.K. Coleman

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