Being Hated Isn’t As Easy As You Think

The embarrassment that comes with failure is typically a local experience. That is, if you try something big and fail, you *might* receive some criticism from some family members and some peers. But unless you’re a celebrity, you’re probably not popular enough to receive a ton of heat from more than a few people. If you try to write a novel, or try to start a business, or try to move across the country, the overwhelming majority of people will neither know nor care if you fail.

Success, on the other hand, is less of a local experience than failure. When you start to accomplish things, you set off people’s radar. “Who does this lady think she is?” “Why does everyone think this guy is so special?” If you write a horrible novel that never gets published, only a few people even know. If you write Twilight or Shades of Grey, millions will hate you. If you make a crappy student film that you have to beg everyone to see, only a few people will mock you. If you make a movie like Hitch or Spiderman 3, you’ll have millions that hate you.

So if you’re worried about getting started because of criticism and hate, don’t even sweat it. You’re probably not famous enough to get that kind of attention. You’ve got a long way to go before the world cares enough to hate you. Write your book. Make your art. Embark on your adventure. And maybe one day, you’ll be lucky enough to be hated by millions.

Sweat the Small Stuff

When you take small steps in the right direction, it eventually comes back to you in the form of an ability to take big steps in the right direction.

Build enough momentum and the big steps will take themselves. The power isn’t in the impressive. It’s in the incremental.

If You’re A Perfectionist, Then You Need to Get Started

It’s not that the desire to be perfect is bad. It’s that we often pursue perfection in the least efficient way.

In our effort to hide our blemished selves and flawed work from the world, we insulate ourselves from the very kind of feedback that moves us closer towards excellence.

If you really want to be perfect, then the last thing on earth you should do is keep your creative ideas inside your head.

There’s only so much insight that can come through conceptual analysis. The furthest boundaries of your potential can’t be reached until you express your ideas in a context where the incentives matter.

When the costs and benefits are real, the progress is rapid.

It Happens While You’re Busy Making It Better

You don’t have to be happy with a situation in order to be happy within a situation.

You don’t have to be happy about a fact in order to happy in spite of a fact.

Here’s an example:

Think about a time when you were happy. Even if that period of time only lasted for two minutes. Think about a time when you were sincerely pleased or at a peace.

Now I want to remind you of a very simple fact that you already knew. Ready? Here it is: thousands of people die every single day. Know what that means? While you were busy allowing yourself to be happy, thousands of people were grieving the lost of their loved ones. Were you happy about that fact? When you think back to that time in your life when you felt good, were you happy about all the people who were dying? I’m going to assume you’re a decent person and accept “no” as your answer.

If your answer was “no,” then that means you found a way to ground your happiness in something other than your awareness of the bad things that were happening in your world.  If you have ever allowed yourself to feel good, then you allowed yourself to feel this way even though you had legit reasons for feeling the opposite.

This is always true. The opportunity to be happy, or joyful, or fulfilled, or at peace will always run concurrently with the opportunity to be frustrated and upset.

One of the most important keys to being happy is remembering that it has nothing to do with forcing yourself to feel good about bad things nor does it have anything to do with waiting until life becomes mostly good. Being happy, for the most part, is about relieving yourself of the belief that it’s wrong to feel good as long as things still need to be improved.

You don’t need to use unhappiness as a tool for proving to people that you’re serious or responsible. And you don’t need to worry that your life will fall apart if you allow yourself the freedom to appreciate or celebrate the elements of goodness, beauty, and hope that are already present in your life.

Yes, you can be grateful for where you are while you still exude the drive and determination to create something better.

History is on Our Side

People often assume that optimism is based on the failure to recognize the bad things that have happened in our world.

It’s actually the opposite.

The optimists are those who know so much about pain and suffering that they’ve been purified of the belief that adversity is a valid excuse for non-action.

Hope is rooted in the knowledge of history.

The more you know about the history of evil, the more you have a reason to believe that we can find a way to make it through the trials and tribulations of our own times.

The open secret of the optimist is this: tragedies are news, but they are not new. Humanity has been here before and humanity will be here again. And if history has anything to say about it, many of the problems of our day will the punchlines of tomorrow.

So don’t get caught up in the sensationalism of the moment. Take the long view. Because if things are going to get better  (and I believe they will), it’ll be through the efforts of those who stayed focused on the bigger picture.

It “Turned Out Okay” Isn’t Always The Best Goal to Have

We’ve all made poor decisions that somehow “turned out okay.” We’ve all been subjected to unfair conditions or ridiculous experiences that miraculously “turned out okay.” That doesn’t mean we should use “it turned out okay” as the basis for determining what to do next.

Before I owned a car, I walked everywhere. It was really inconvenient at times, but I turned out okay. Should I insist on walking everywhere from now on? Should I adopt a philosophy that says walking is always the best method of transportation regardless of who you are and where you’re trying to go?

I often hear people say “Well, I never had that and I turned out okay,” whenever anyone points out a new option or resource. Point out the value of doing an apprenticeship and someone will say “Well, I went to a traditional school and I turned out okay.” Point out the value of trying a new venture and someone will say “Well, I didn’t try any of that stuff, but I turned out okay.”

It’s nice to acknowledge those moments when things “turn out okay,” but there’s more to life than merely finding examples of people who turned out okay in spite of not doing the things you’re thinking about doing. Your life isn’t about what “turned out okay” for me or your Uncle Jimmy. Your life is about finding what works for you. Your life isn’t about someone else’s story of “I did X and didn’t die.” It’s about your story of doing what makes *you* come alive.

I once found a silver dollar on the ground while walking to work. I was thankful, but I didn’t spend the rest of my day walking around in search of more silver dollars lying on the ground. I stayed focused on getting to work. I had a purpose for walking and I pursued it.

When you look back on an experience that “turned out okay,” that’s your silver dollar. Be thankful for it, but don’t waste your life searching for more things that might turn out okay. Live with a purpose. Aim for a positive goal. Optimize your opportunities. Go after something that’s better than okay. Then you can look back and say “Well, that turned out amazing.”

5 Insights From Austin Kleon’s “Steal Like An Artist”

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Here are five of my favorite quotes along with my personal reflections from the latest installment of my read a book per week project: Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon.

1. If it’s powerful enough to distract you, don’t ignore it. Harness it’s power.

One thing I’ve learned in my brief career: It’s the side projects that really take off. By side projects I mean the stuff that you thought was just messing around. Stuff that’s just play. That’s actually the good stuff. That’s when the magic happens.” -Page 65

People often ask me “What are some great books to buy?” My response is usually “The ones you’ll actually read.” Doing a bunch of activities that you think are important will always be less important that doing the stuff that genuinely fires you up. It’s hard to be great at the stuff that you have to tolerate.

If you’re always wondering “How much time do I have before I can stop doing this?”, then you’ll almost always come in second place to the person that wakes up in the morning eager to do it. It’s not that passion has some sort of magic to it, but you’re just far more likely to put the work it, make interesting connections, and exercise follow-through if you adamantly believe in it.

Jessica Hische wrote “The work you do while you procrastinate is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life.” Pay attention to the side projects and hobbies that no one needs to pay you for. Pay attention to the stuff that doesn’t have to be mandatory in order for you to be motivated to do it. Pay attention to the stuff that keeps you awake at night not because of fear and obligation, but because you’re always fantasizing about it. That’s where your advantage is.

2. Even if you marry a single interest, don’t stop flirting with other passions.

“If you have two or three real passions, don’t feel like you have to pick and choose between them. Don’t discard. Keep all your passions in your life….The thing is, you can cut off a couple passions and only focus on one, but after a while, you’ll start to feel phantom limb pain. I spent my teenage years obsessed with songwriting and playing in bands, but then I decided i needed to focus on just writing, so I spent half a decade hardly playing any music at all. the phantom limb got worse and worse.

About a year ago I started playing in a band again. Now, I’m starting to feel whole. And the crazy thing is, rather than the music taking away from my writing, I find it interacting with my writing and making ti better—I can tell that new synapses in my brain are firing, and new connections are being made.” -Pg 68-71

James Altucher has a neat concept i like called “Masters of the intersection.” The basic idea is that you can become great by taking 2-3 things you really like and becoming the best in the world at the intersection between those two things. This allows you to achieve greatness not by rising to the top of an existing craft, but by creating an entirely new hybrid craft.

So let’s say you’re really interested in Basketball, but you’re not good enough to go pro. Let’s also say you’re really interested in Philosophy, but you’re light years away from being the next Aristotle. What if you focused on the intersection of those two fields by philosophizing about basketball? Aristotle never did that. And while you may never beat Lebron James or Stephen Curry in a game of 1-on-1, you might be better than both of them when it comes to the art of philosophizing about life lessons that can be learned from their sport.

This is a simplified example of the art of mastering the intersection. In order to do that, however, you have to stop looking at your various passions as a distraction. You have to be willing to indulge in the things you’re fascinated with even if they have no obvious connection to your job, career goals, or immediate practical concerns. Your seemingly distraction passions might very well be the ultimate means by which you’ll distinguish yourself from everyone else in your field. Every field is full of boring one-dimensional people who only know how to talk about the one thing they studied. Don’t become another one. Embrace your diverse range of interests and become a master of the intersection.

3. Work while you wonder. Practice while you philosophize. Create while you contemplate.

 “If I’d waited to know who I was or what I was about before I started “being creative,” well, I’d still be sitting around trying to figure myself out instead of making things. In my experience, it’s in the act of making things and doing work that we figure out who we are.” Pg 27

So many people get stuck on things like “being a writer” or “being an entrepreneur” and they never get around to getting things done because they’re too busy trying to figure out if their ontological state gives them permission to do the thing they want to do.

Forget about your state of being for a second. Forget about your identity for a moment  Just do something. If you’re interested in it right now, then that’s enough to try it out. You’ll find out the most valuable information about yourself not by naval gazing and analyzing all day long, but by getting to know what the creative process actually feels like. The worst thing you can do is make your actions dependent on some axiomatic understanding of what your identity is.

Your sense of self will evolve and expand until the day you die. So you’ll be waiting around forever if you insist on knowing who you are before beginning the work you feel compelled to do in the moment. Work. Risk. Try. Create. Experiment. Test. Move. Do. Knowledge of self is the effect, not the cause of all these things.

4. Read like your sense of creativity depends on it.

 “Always be reading. Go to the library. There’s magic in being surrounded by books. Get lost in the stacks. Read bibliographies. it’s not in the book you start with, it’s the book that book leads you to.” -Pg 20

Books are written by people. That makes them personal, not impersonal. Reading books is like hanging out with a person except for the fact that you can still learn from this person even if they don’t like you. Books are the cure for intellectual and creative solipsism. It keeps you from seeing the world as if your vantage point is the only one that exists. Everything that you take for granted as being certain, fixed, impossible, ugly, difficult, or boring is seen in an entirely different way by someone else. Avail yourself of those perspectives. Reading isn’t about mindlessly taking in facts. It’s about getting into a rhythm of thinking that makes it easier for you to access your own creative ideas. Reading is for the brain what going to the gym is for the body. It whips you into shape, puts you in a different state, and makes it much more possible for you get the most out of what you already had.

5. Stop chasing after originality

“Nothing is original. The writer Jonathan Lethem has said that when people call something “original,” nine out of ten times they just don’t know the references or the original sources involved.  What a good artist understands is that nothing comes from nowhere. All creative work builds on what came before. Every new idea is just a mashup or a remix of one or more previous ideas.” -Pgs 7-8

Originality is how you uniquely put things together. You didn’t create the alphabet, yet you have a unique way of using language that differs from your peers. When a musician composes a song, they don’t feel pressured to invent the notes on the piano or to create a new instrument. They can simply work with what’s already there and put their own unique twist on it.

The quest for originality is a distraction. It usually leads to a self-obsessive focus on saying what’s never been said when all that really matters is saying what you believe, saying what you feel, and saying what you mean. When you first start doing this, you might not sound very original, but the process is precisely how you find your voice. When you were a baby, you learned how to talk by copying the adults around you and you kept adding to your repertoire of influences. That’s also how you learn to create. Keep consuming the stuff that you like in order to add to your pool of influences and keep pushing yourself to create on the go.

Eventually everyone will accuse you of being an original too.

To hear my audio reflections on the book, listen below:

 

To read my Amazon review for the book, click here.