skip to Main Content

When “keeping it real” goes wrong! Pt. 3

For part one, click here. For part two, click here. For part three, keep on reading. Cheers 🙂 T.K.

There’s more than one way to keep it real

“Keeping it real” is a catch-phrase for being truthful in one’s dealings with the world. It involves being someone who does not shy away from what needs to be said or done.

For those of us who have ever pursued a goal of any kind, however, we know the line between keeping it real and compromising what matters most is not always very easy to draw.

Sometimes there are competing versions of what’s “real.” For instance, if you wish to wake up at 6am to go jogging and waking up early is new for you, you might find staying in bed to be more in alignment with your impulses and instincts. Yet, pushing yourself to get up and get started may be in greater alignment with your long-term priorities.

So, which version of reality do you fight to keep? Do you keep it real in relationship to your habitual impulse to stay in bed or do you keep it real in relationship to your desire to get in shape?

In relationship to dealing with people who make us angry, do you keep it real to your right to complain no matter how much it drains you to do so or do you keep it real to your desire to live a happy and healthy life?

When you really think about it, it becomes clear that all of us are keeping it real all of the time in relationship to some aspect of who we are, what we want, and how we feel.

No matter which way you go, you’ll be keeping it real. It’s just a matter of which version of reality you’ll be keeping.

Some of them will serve you in a beneficial manner while others will not.

Keep your eyes on the prize

 
“Be ye angry, and sin not” -The Book of Ephesians, Chapter 4, Verse 26

The original greek word for “sin” in the above passage literally means to “miss the mark.”

The state of being angry is not a sin and it is unhealthy to ever condemn ourselves merely for feeling upset. It is the decision to act on anger in ways that contradict our best interests, however, that causes us to miss the mark.

We must learn to process our feelings of anger in a way that does not cost us our ability to achieve our aim in life.

Use anger as a segue for self-awareness

In response to reading these posts on anger, Joseph Anthony of “The Wonder Child Blog” offered some insights I thought were worth sharing with you:

 “..whenever I harbor a resentment I (if I am honest and open to really look) have a part to play in that resentment. For example,if I become angry because someone who owes me money hasn’t paid it back on time, I need to examine why I put myself in that particular business deal in the first place.
 
It’s possible I had an intuitive hunch I chose not to follow because it just “felt” right or because I didn’t want the other person to get mad at me if I didn’t loan them the money—perhaps I simply wanted them to like me—whatever the reason, I put myself in that situation. In other words, when I look for my own part in the resentment then I can more clearly see the path to acceptance and non-retaliation. I may even be better able to move to a place of forgiveness.”
 

When we use anger as segues for  self-awareness, it allows us to take personal responsibility for our experience. It’s important to note that in the world of positive psychology, “responsibility” is not the same as “blame.” “Blame” is when you punish yourself with guilt. “Responsibility” is when you recognize that you play a role, consciously or unconsciously, in all of your experiences. This recognition, rather than functioning as a basis for self-blame, empowers you with the conviction that you are capable of creating new and improved experiences.

Wayne Dyer said it best: “Responsibility means you have the power to RESPOND with ABILITY!” When we realize this, it becomes easier to let go of anger because we cease identifying with victim-consciousness.

At the heart of uncontrolled and mis-directed anger, is the feeling of not being in charge, or “at-cause” , in one’s life. You can’t help but remain stuck in anger when you genuinely believe other people have the power to force you to feel emotions against your own influence. Highlighting the role YOU play, significantly reduces this effect.

Well, my friends, I hope you have found these recent posts on anger helpful. If you have any questions or suggestions for further discussion on anger, please let me know. As for now, that’s my two cents.

Cheers,

T.K. Coleman

This Post Has 5 Comments
  1. Hi T.K.
    Another great post (and not because you quoted me)! 

    Your take on dealing with anger is something the world sorely needs—especially the part about simply letting yourself feel it without thinking there’s something’s wrong. Anger happens, just as storms happen. To get mad because I’m mad is a bit silly, but alas, I’ve done it many times (false humility can be very dangerous).

    But anyway, your quote from Ephesians is a wonderful affirmation for helping us realize it isn’t a sin to be angry…it’s all in how we express it.

    One last thing, the beginning part of this post resonates with me also. I used to live my life based on my feelings to such an extent that I became a good-50 yard dash man. In other words, I would get all excited about some new thing I was doing or going to do and then I’d start–I’d bolt out the gate, all systems go. But then I’d hit the proverbial bump in the road and I’d stop. If things started getting hard, or didn’t turn into bliss and utter wonderfulness within minutes I’d stop. It used to be so easy to quit.

    Thank goodness I have learned the art of persistence. But I didn’t learn it by myself. I learned it with the help of people like my friend Lefty (http://blog.7daymentaldiet.net/?ci=23323) and with the help of many other people along the way, including you.

    So cheers,
    Joseph

    1. Brother Joseph, these comments are award winning. I glean insight from your words everytime. I appreciate the blog reference for your friend Lefty and I look forward to checking it out. It’s so useful to have such a variety of tools at our disposal as become the masters (that we already are) of not only our destiny, but our disposition.

      You say “Your take on dealing with anger is something the world sorely needs.” I’m humbled by those words. It really is an honor and a priviledge to serve with my writing. Thanks for being gracious enough to read and provide encouraging feedback.

      Cheers 🙂

      TK

  2. I just wanted to thank you for these poignant posts on anger and personal responsibillity. As is usually the case, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. (when the student is ready 😉

    As it happens, I was struggling with my anger at my mom today after seeing her briefly while she was in town. I had already started to work out that in fact, I was angry with myself for allowing the situation to take place, and for putting too much power over my emotions into her hands, when I happened across a link to a different post on your blog from a facebook friend. So, I instantly loved every post, all relevant and empowering, and as I’m reading, the most interesting situation unfolded with my kids.

    I just had to jot it down on my blog:
    http://dandeliongirls.blogspot.com/2011/12/princess-and-duck.html

    Isn’t that something?
    And I hadn’t even gotten to the anger posts yet! And it dawned on me, I was allowing my “failed’ interactons with my mother to ‘make’ me feel rejected, and her lack of time and energy for me to feel like a negative judgement on my inherent worth, as if she was calling me names and putting me down, which is why I was so angry!

    Anyway thank you, and i am moving my positive energy back to creating the beauty that I want in my life! <3

    1. This is an amazing testimony. It’s awesome to hear the stories of other people on the path who are successfully resolving these inner turmoils. It really is something. I can completely relate. I’m glad my blog was able to find a point of connection with you too. I just read your post about the Princess and the Duck and I thought it was phenomenal. That would make a very good book title btw. If you ever make your stories into a book, let me know.

      cheers,

      TK

Leave a Reply

Back To Top