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The art of the non-resistant “no”

There’s no business like “no” business

Sometimes, we are presented with opportunities that are of no interest to us:

Would you like to sell your house to me for the low price of $5?

Developing the ability to say “no” without losing your cool or activating a vibration of resistance, is a pivotal practice in the art of stress-reduction.

Saying “no” can be a simple and stress-free exercise as long as you adopt the right attitude.

Do you know where your “no” is from?

If you say “no” from a state of feeling guilty, bitter, ashamed, afraid, or offended, you set yourself up to attract responses that convey the same kind of resistant energy.

If you say “no” from a state of feeling confident, secure, peaceful, and non-threatened,  you set yourself up to attract responses that convey the same kind of benevolent energy.

Don’t EVER say “no” to your peace

When you accept your own “no” as something that you have the right to say, you lose the need to justify yourself to others. You are then free to calmly decline an unwanted request without needing to soften the blow of your “no” with unnecessary apologies or convoluted explanations.

The person who offers his “no” as an uncontroversial expression which requires no analysis or detailed conversation, is the one who is least harassed by negotiators, debaters, and manipulators.

When you treat your “no” as a controversial stance, however, other people will see it the same way and react accordingly.

Defensiveness is the first sign that one is not secure or fully confident in what he says and believes. The defensive minded man sends out a signal to the Universe that he will not be at peace with his own stance until he is sure that the other party offers its understanding or approval.

A defensively stated “no” is an invitation for conflict and discomfort.

Always use proper vibrational grammar

 
“Isn’t it okay to explain my “no” when I’m dealing with someone I care about?”

The art of the non-resistant “no” is not a verbal art, but a vibrational art. The response you get from others when you say “no”, will ultimately be determined by how you feel about the answer you’re offering.

Your true feelings will always bleed through your words. Whether you verbally explain yourself to others or not is only a peripheral issue. The central issue is the feeling-place that your explanation or non-explanation comes from. The key is to say whatever you say from a place of personal power and inner alignment.

When you can say “no” to what you don’t want while maintaining the vibration of saying “yes” to what you do want, the Universe will always say “yes” back to you.

That’s my two cents,

Any thoughts or questions?

T.K. Coleman

This Post Has 10 Comments
  1. I get into trouble when I think my ‘no’ is ok but others think it is not, like in a workspace.
    “I cant handle more work”
    “But you must”
    But I guess that comes from not feeling appreciated for the work that I do allready :s

    1. I hear you, Caroline. I would consider a statement like “I can’t handle more work” as an attempt to explain or justify a “no”. This often invites negotiation and challenges. I would try just politely saying “no” to someone’s request that I do more work than what I am required to do. Without a reason to argue with, there’s very little for them to do, but respect the intent stated. My two cents.

    1. Hi MundaSing123,

      By inner alignment, I mean harmony or agreement between your thoughts and your values/desires. When the thoughts you are focusing on are in harmony with the ideals you value and the things you desire, you are in a state of inner alignment. Does that answer your question?

      Cheers,

      TK

      1. how does one go about acchieving that? I know my values/desires but my thoughts revolve around this one problem that is in my life.

        1. Hi Caroline,

          That’s a great question. My two cents: I would begin by acknowledging that my problem is only a problem because it appears to stand between myself and that which I wish to experience in my world. I would then contemplate the idea that my problem’s dissolution is the automatic result of me successfully creating what I desire. Next, I would I deepen my recognition of the fact that it is only as I take my attention off the problem and put it on what I DO want, that I will begin to draw what I love and desire into my experience. Then, I would commit to practicing, on a daily basis, the art of gently guiding my awareness towards better and better feeling thoughts. When I fail at this practice, I would lovingly forgive myself and return to the daily discipline, all the while trusting that it will gradually begin to feel more and more natural for me to focus on that which gives me pleasure to think about.

          Feel free to let me know if you have anymore questions.

          Cheers,

          TK

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