The unexpressed life (is not worth living)

I Can't Speak“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.” -Franz Kafka

None of us want to be abandoned.

None of us want to feel rejected.

No one wakes up in the morning hoping they will hear someone say, “I don’t love you anymore”, “I don’t like the person you’ve become”, or “I’m no longer interested in being friends.

Nevertheless, we all must, at some point, exercise the courage necessary to let the people in our lives experience the truth of who we are.

Sometimes, they will surprise us with their ability to accept us unconditionally.

Sometimes, they will disappoint us with their disapproval.

Either way, when we are honest in the places that we need to be, we will discover what it is like to experience our relationships as accurate reflections of our real self.

Audre Lorde wrote: “I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.” 

What’s worse: 1) having an opinion that gets bruised? or 2) having a life that feels bitter and boring because you’re too afraid to have an opinion?

What sounds more scary: 1) Being misunderstood? or 2) being miserable and mundane because you never take the risk of being misunderstood?

Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.”

Ditto for the unexpressed life.

4 thoughts on “The unexpressed life (is not worth living)

  1. Bravo! Agreed, a thousand times!

    Roger ( From mobile office ) Phone: Mobile +44 (0)7952 166 103 Office: +44 (0)203 468 9184

  2. I’ve experienced the disappointment and heartbreak that is disapproval and then desertion. I’ve also experienced elation that is acceptance. Disappointment you put behind you and walk on. Acceptance, though, walks with you. To deny yourself because you fear testing those bonds is to go through life with an ever-tightening noose about your neck. I know.

  3. I would like to know your opinion on the difference between what you are saying above and being still and quiet, because everyone around you is so dramatic. I don’t feel the need, the older I get (I am 52) to try to make my thoughts heard. I don’t feel mundane or miserable about it. It actually is freeing for me. Does that make sense? Thank you. I absolutely adore reading your blog.

  4. Yes. I believe that whenever we express opinion/s we invite
    comment/challenge/criticism/confirmation/contact.

    And have a great deal of visibility. It is of inestimable benefit to
    know who your allies…and adversaries are. Both serve many, many
    worthwhile aims.

    I’ve observed people who have developed the keen verbal skills
    to successfully navigate and negotiate their lives adeptly and see
    a great deal of thought behind this. In this tap dance of life, they
    have learned to choreograph their steps. Light but firm. (If they’re
    a Fred Astaire, they even learn to dance up walls, defying gravity.)

    They know when to step into an issue, when to step aside, and when
    to step up.

    You can live a fulfilled life—with words to wend your way. We have
    one life. It would be a shame to live it in silence.

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